School is consuming my life. Already.

I'm 2 weeks in to my online classes. My life is already consumed by reading, posting, researching, and writing. I need to work on an assignment right now, but I also need to take some time to breathe. I feel like every waking moment that I'm not busy with the baby is filled with school work of some sort.

It's been a long time since I've had to think critically about anything. I'm adjusting well, but I forgot what a balancing act it can be. I know that I can do this. I just need to stay focused.

I have already seen some changes in the way that I approach my work. I am not waiting until the very last moment to being reading assignments. I've been trying to stay proactive, so that I'm not frantic and trying desperately to do things at the very last moment. I have always claimed that I thrive on stress, and to some degree I do, but I don't want to pull all-nighters or sacrifice time with my family so that I can write a paper, or just read one last essay.

So, enough of this procrastinating. I'm off to write a 2 page article analysis.

To My Best Friend

There are an infinite number of reasons that you are my best friend. So many, that I could not possibly list them all here, but I will touch on a few.

You are always there to pick me up when I'm feeling down about something or doubting myself. You are the queen of pep talks, advice giving (even though you think you give bad advice) and overall listening to the nonsense that spews from my mouth.

You are always willing to help plot the deaths of those who have scorned me, or just sorta pissed me off.

You know things about me that I don't even realize that anyone else knows.

You are the sister I always wanted. (Ok, I know I have a sister, but she's defective, so I pick you instead :) )

I would never have gotten through the last 7 (?) years without you. You are one of the greatest blessing in my life. I love you so much.

Happy Labor Day

It's funny. When I was a kid, I used to think that "Labor Day" had something to do with giving birth. I have NO idea where I got that from, but I suppose that this is the way that children's minds works.

When I got married, I associated Labor Day with my wedding weekend. Of course, that didn't turn out so well, but no big deal. Life goes on.

Now, I'm trying to find a new way to think about Labor Day. A day off, a day to rest and regroup, a celebration of the end of summer and the beginning of fall. It would be nice to be camping or at the beach, but I didn't think about that until too late.

I'm enjoying time with my family. I'm trying to catch up on some sleep (I've been abnormally exhausted for weeks, so sleeping in an extra day has been a godsend.) I'm preparing myself for the insanity that is about to ensue (school starts tomorrow). And I'm remember how truly blessed I am for everything in my life.

Oh, and there are only 14 days til my birthday! If that isn't something to celebrate, then I don't know what is :)

Happy Labor Day!

Last weekend of relaxation

Well, this long Labor Day weekend is going to be the last one that I can just kick back and relax. Classes start on Tuesday. Wow.

Now, I know that I'm just taking online courses, so technically I will be sitting with my feet up the whole time I'm doing coursework. But, I will have to think. I will have to research. I will have to write. I will have to do more than aimlessly feed animals and harvest crops on Farmville. (Oops, I think I just outed myself :) )

I'm really looking forward to all the opportunities that this is going to bring me. I can't wait to pick up on something that I never thought I would be able to finish. I'm still just in awe of it all.

I feel nervous because the classes are locked until Tuesday. I can't get a sneak at the syllabi so I can plan my life in advance. SO, I think the first order of business when I log in on Tuesday will be to print the syllabi and map out my life for the next 15 weeks. With all that I have going on (work, school, family) it's really important for me to plan things well.

There was so much that I wanted to do before school started. I wanted to work out my budget. I wanted to organize things at home more. I wanted to feel like everything was in place so that I could just think about school. But, in true Sandra fashion, I've done none of that. Because I know that I will be able to find time to do those things even with school. I think it's more important for me to just enjoy these last few moments before the insanity sets in.

So, on Tuesday, I will remember how to focus and think critically. I will NOT keep thinking about AFTER this degree (law school!). I will take it one day at a time and not get ahead of myself.

Bachelor's degree, here I come!

It's amazing

It's amazing to think that you spend your life trying to make something work, just to find out that it was never working to begin with.

It's amazing to realize that someone that you thought loved you, really couldn't care less.

It's amazing to wake up one day and just know that there is no emotion left in anything that you do.

It's amazing to have to try and figure out what your next move will be, and how you will possibly move on yet again.

It's amazing to know that after all the tries, and false starts, and failed attempts, that being alone really is the only option.

It's amazing that no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you aren't hurt and that you'll be ok, you can't really believe it.

Sometimes the things that amaze me aren't good. But they are still amazing.

Jenny Dryerase - So sad...

I'm sure by now we've all heard about the remarkable "Jenny Dryerase", who quit her job through a series of photos where she wrote her message out on a dry erase board. I saw the link on Facebook, and as I scrolled through the photos I felt like this girl was a hero. I LOVED the concept, I thought it was amazing.



But, of course, it was all a hoax :(



I'm still pondering this stunt though, and still thinking about how it spoke to me, and apparently so many others, in this time of job uncertainty and economic stress.



I'm lucky. I love my job and the people that I work with. I don't make nearly enough money, but I do OK for a chick with an AAS in Teacher Ed. (Thank GOD I'm starting school in a few weeks. I need my bachelor's ASAP!) There are others of us though, that aren't so lucky.



I get the feeling that folks are hanging on to jobs for fear of being included in the next unemployment percentage on the news. People have taken jobs they think are below them, stayed in jobs they despise, and it's all out of fear. I understand that, I really do. And that's why I think "Jenny" spoke to us all.



She had the courage to say "screw the economy, forget the fact that it may be months or years before I find another job, I'm NOT going to stay where I'm unhappy". It took balls. Brass ones. I'm sure it's something that tons of folks would like to do, but simply can't. So, hat's off to Jenny Dry erase, even though she isn't real.

What to do, what to do.....

I love music as a way to express what I'm thinking and feeling. I often turn to song lyrics in order to say something more accurately. For example, the title of my blog is from a Billy Joel song called Summer, Highland Falls. The title of this post is from a song by The Drifters. I'm bursting with song lyrics from every genre, and soemtimes they infuse my speaking and writing without my even knowing it.

You can probably guess by the title of this post that I'm wondering what to do. I'm wondering where my life is going. I'm not quite sure which direction to turn in, even though some things are fairly well laid out for me.

School starts in just a few weeks. I'm really excited about this. I can't wait to start learning in a formal way again. Maybe that makes me a geek. I don't know.

The babe starts her new babysitter on the 23rd. I'm SUPER excited about this after all the nonsense and angst I've been through with my sister. I think it's going to be a much better situation for everyone. And maybe, just maybe, I won't have to kill my sister. I don't think that my mother would appreciate it.

My biggest dilema right now is what to do about the boyfriend. I love him. He's a wonderful man. I'm just not sure that we're right together. And frankly, if I'm not sure now, I don't know if spending years trying to figure it out is worth it in the long run. Here's the situation.

I know for a fact (don't ask how) that he's having an ongoing and inappropriate convo with someone through Facebook messages. It's sticking in my craw. And I've gotten to the point where I just think of us as roommates, because it makes me less likely to start breaking things in the kitchen. Essentially, if I was financially stable enough to call it quits, I would do it without even thinking. (God, that sounds terrible.) But, I have to think of the babe and make sure that I don't make any rash moves.

So, I'm left with the dilema of "what to do". Do I call him out? Do I keep simmering? Do I just disappear one day with no explanation? WHAT do I DO?

What would YOU do?